From around one year of age, when the baby starts becoming a toddler, it is normal for them to want to take a toy from a friend, yell at them, bite, or even kick; also to make noise when others are sleeping, throw toys, etc. These are impulsive reactions to things they want or want to express, but they should be taught to control them and look for other socially acceptable ways.
Young children may bother others simply because they do not know how to evaluate the consequences of their actions. They may also aggress other children or even adults mainly when:
- They want something the other has
- They want to play or do something with another child and, since they cannot communicate well, frustration causes them to react with aggression.
- To defend themselves from another child
- Or just to see “what happens”
Setting limits from early on
Limits should be set from the moment the baby starts moving around the house by telling them what they should not do. You shouldn’t let them do everything just because they are a baby. They need to learn there are things they should not do, and this must be repeated every day each time they do it. Setting limits does not mean becoming a strict authoritarian parent; limits should be set firmly but not harshly. Rules must be clear, fair, and the reasons always explained. For example, if you notice your child is taking a toy from another child, say “You shouldn’t take Mauro’s toy because it will make him sad” or “Don’t hit Carla because it hurts.” Then guide or teach them to find another way: “Let’s wait until Mauro finishes playing so he can lend you the car,” “Let’s ask Carla to lend you the book,” or “Better yet, let’s read the book together with Carla.”
Limits will apply not only in relationships with other children but with everyone. If dad is taking a nap and the child is making noise, you should tell them not to make noise: “Don’t make noise because dad is resting, let’s play in the garden instead.” If at some point they get upset and start throwing toys, say “I know you are upset because you didn’t finish the tower, but let’s try again, and you shouldn’t throw toys because they will break.”
If the child cries or gets upset when a limit is imposed, parents should accept that these feelings are natural and let the child know this. Likewise, feeling resentment is natural for all humans, but children need to understand that bad feelings should not cause them to act in ways that harm others (hitting, insulting, etc.). The best teaching comes by example. How can we teach our child not to hit friends if we hit the pet, or tell them not to shout if we shout, or tell them not to take toys from others when we take away all their toys to make them sleep with no explanation? These are everyday adult behaviors that we must correct not only to teach by example but also to grow ourselves as human beings.
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